Time as viewed from my underwear drawer and other underware rants

Underwear has its own way of telling time. That time you were sick, how you were smaller or bigger. That stretched elastic and hole that starts in odd places. Why do we get holes in our underwear halfway between our hip and belly button. Was it when the dog chewed them?

I was helping my son clean up his room yesterday, Underwear everywhere. I have found my sons underwear in all manor of strange places. Why? I really want to know. No really Why? and they are not clean..... Again I will blame the dog. At the end of the Christmas season we were taking down the tree and I was called away for a little while. Upon my return there were 7 little pairs of tighty white E's hanging from the branches of the tree. "One for each day of the week Mommy" Yuck. I had two conflicting thoughts.....Wow good job remembering how many days of the week and Uck kid those are not clean. Men have it so much easier boxers or briefs. (Well there was the recent invent of boxer briefs but everyone has fads now and then)..... Jokes are constantly made about women and decisions but we are bombarded with choices for even the simple garments we wear under our clothes. Strings, cotton, silk, lace, itchy, bunching, no tags, boy cut, control top, color, price, sex appeal. Does it mean that I don't care what society thinks of me when I no longer want "foundation garments" or just that I never wear anything that requires me to think that each garment I put on is building the look to a whole new me if even for a night. Why do I keep them? I really want to know. I think I will go with something safe. I am going to look for the five star crash rating the next time I buy a six pack of anything, even socks. If cars have five star ratings then, I want them for my knickers as well. The package should read something like this ......the Consumer Safety and Happiness Committee tested these unmentionables and the overall consumer rating was 4 1/2 out of 5 stars. The frontal and side seams were tested for stretch and durability with zero accidents causing rips or stains. The rear impact test was also found to have the appropriate amount of stretch and flexibility even when the test subject was faced with landing on her butt....... Now that is a pair of undies I would buy.